Frustration

Recently, I had a very frustrating day. I could not find a Christmas gift which I thought had been carefully hidden. The package was small, containing just three tiny charms for my daughter's and granddaughter's bracelets.
My less-than-stellar memory, which has not improved with age, is already well-known here at home, so losing the package was not a surprise to anyone.
"Don't worry, Mom, you'll find them," said my daughters..."Just like the charms you lost two years ago, and found last month!"
With history repeating itself, losing charms for Christmas AGAIN, I looked everywhere, twice. Thrice. Nothing. As the fruitless searching continued, my normal sense of relative calm began to unravel. I was frustrated. Then I became angry...at me, my lousy memory, the embarrassment of losing track of a gift, the SAME kind of gift, twice. I could not focus or anything else. I really let it ruin my evening. And it didn't improve anyone else's, either.
With this one dumb lapse of memory, I really raked myself over the coals, relentlessly, unforgivingly, even viciously.
The evening deteriorated as the continuing searching proved fruitless. At midnight, not yet asleep, I searched again, looking through the boxes where all the Christmas gifts were purposedly hidden (so there would not be a repeat of lost gifts). This time I happened to turn the box around as I looked into it. There, behind a book, was the tiny package I had been seeking. It was exactly where it should have been, but I had overlooked it until now.
I was SO RELIEVED to find it! After a heartfelt prayer of thanksgiving, I had to take a hard look at my behavior.
I had been fixated on finding the charms. I let it ruin the evening. I had been lousy company. I had been very unforgiving of myself, my carelessness.
Yet if this same situation had happened to a friend or family member, I would have never been as negative toward them as I had been toward myself.
Why didn't I see myself with as much understanding as I would someone else I cared about? Even a stranger? Why is it so much easier to see, and forgive, someone else's weakness than my own?
This has certainly been an eye-opening experience, and has given me much to consider. I really need to lighten up, and quit beating myself up.